oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
