anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
