i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
