So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
