Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
