you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
