normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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