I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
