youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
