i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
