If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
