dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
