I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize