We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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