I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My ATM looks so different sober.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
