this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
