It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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