it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
