You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
