Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
