You can't motorboat a personality
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
