She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
