my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
