Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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