Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
