Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
