Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
