I wanna bring you to show and tell
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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