i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
