I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
