I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
