You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
organizing the empties. That sober.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
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