Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
