Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
