Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
