Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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