Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
