Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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