Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
