are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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