I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.