i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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