i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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