If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize