I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am in a vortex of obligation.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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