I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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