There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
