Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
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