Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
