Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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