a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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