I'm really into asian looking animals
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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