Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
