i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
