I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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