This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
