Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize