he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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