...so i touched it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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