the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
