i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
