I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
