i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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