Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
