if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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