hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
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Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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