If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
