i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
