Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
