So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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