Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
