you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
