Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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