oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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