please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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