So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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