I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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