You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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