They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Is Oprah even human
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
